


Mikvah

by gaygreekgladiator (ama)



Series: In Ruth's Footsteps [3]
Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Female Jewish Character, Gen, Jewish Themes, Non-Graphic Violence, Recovery, Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 18:34:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7185371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ama/pseuds/gaygreekgladiator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naevia immerses in the mikvah for the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mikvah

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a series I'm doing on characters converting to Judaism, in honor of the holiday of Shavuot. This oneshot was requested by bodysnatch3r. In it, Naevia immerses in a mikvah, a ritual bath, and says the blessings that mark her official conversion to Judaism.

Naevia walked into the room with the mikvah in a daze. It was difficult to fully comprehend what was happening; the mikvah was a small, tiled pool in the center of the floor, and it smelled faintly chlorinated. Esther, the cantor at her synagogue, was waiting for her at the edge.

“This is it,” she said.

“I know.” Naevia let out a soft puff of laughter. “I can’t really believe it, but I know.”

“Here, I’ll hold that up for you.”

Naevia stepped forward and opened her towel so Esther could grasp each end. The older woman held up the towel as Naevia stepped, naked, into the mikvah.

The water was warmer than she expected, and it lapped against the tough skin of her feet. She walked slowly down the steps. The ripples of the water were quiet, but in the small room she could hear them, and it made her heart pound. This was really happening.

Naevia stood in the center of the mikvah, the water just covering her breasts. She took a deep breath and gently slipped under the surface. Time seemed to stand still as she lifted her feet, let her arms float out from her sides, gently shook her head from side to side. The waters caressed every part of her.

Then it was over. She planted her feet on the slippery tile and stood, blinking water out of her eyes. She looked up at Esther, who smiled and said “Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“Do you need my help with the Hebrew?”

“N-no. I think I can do it.” Deep breath. “Baruch atah--”

“A little bit louder, hun. The other witnesses need to hear you in the hall.”

“Okay. Baruch ata HaShem Eloheinu Melech ha-olam asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu al tevilat gerim.” Esther nodded encouragingly. Naevia felt a smile stretching across her face and tried to bite back her laughter. “Baruch atah HaShem Eloheinu Melech ha-olam shehecheyanu, vehigi--”

“Veki--”

“Vekiy'manu, vehigiyanu laz'man ha-zeh.”

“Amen.”

She immersed again. And a third time.

“Mazel tov!” Esther said as soon as Naevia broke the surface.

“Thank you.” Her voice was breathless and she pressed a hand to her chest. Esther looked sympathetic.

“I’m going to be  waiting outside if you need a minute--your towel’s right here.”

“Thank you,” Naevia repeated. She was shaking all over, and as soon as the door shut she sank back into the water until it was up to her chin. She wanted to immerse again. She was a Jew. These waters had made her a Jew. She wanted to soak them in, dive under again and again and again and again, she wanted drops of it to cling to her hair and her skin forever so that everyone would see and know that she was a Jew. All the scars she bore, everything she had endured… there was nothing left to hold her back.

Eventually she couldn’t fight the instinct any longer; she slipped under the water and stretched out her arms. She ran her hands over her body as though she were washing herself, just feeling the wetness and smoothness of her own skin. Her mind was still spinning in dizzying circles, and she thought of the beit din and tried to remember exactly what they had asked and what she had said in reply.

_ “Your fiance is not Jewish, correct? Are you still planning on keeping a Jewish home together?” _

_ “Yes. Crixus has so much respect for this proccess, and he knows how much this means to me. He doesn’t want to convert just for the wedding--he wants to take his time and make sure it’s genuine. He’s supported me… every step of the way.” _

_ “Out of all Judaism’s ethical teachings, which ones are you most familiar with? Which ones call to you most strongly?” _

_ “I think the lessons about justice and seeking forgiveness. I’ve spent most of my life hearing that if someone hurts me, then it’s my duty to forgive them no matter what. As a woman, especially as a black woman, I’ve heard that constantly, and it just piles pain on top of pain. But hearing from Jewish sages that that’s not true, that I don’t have to forgive anyone unless they repent, and unless I think their repentance is enough--that was very important to me.” _

_ “How have you changed these past few months?” _

_ “I’ve become… kinder. And stronger. I think it’s hard to forgive people--and as important as it is to be able to stand up for myself, I’m also so grateful that I’ve been able to find peace within myself, to treat myself and my friends with gentleness. Chesed and tzedakah. Kindness and justice--I think those have become the two defining principles of my life.” _

There had been other questions, she knew, and some she could still remember, but as she floated there in the water she realized that there was a question she wished they had asked, or maybe an answer she wished she had offered. There were words she wanted to say to them, to everyone, to herself, to God--words she hadn’t known until just now, and she thought them to herself as she immersed in the waters.

_ I am made b’tselem Elohim. This is my body. This was designed for me by God, it belongs to me and God, and it is pure. Not pure the way I understood it when I was younger, but pure as in refreshed, beloved, washed of the stain of death. It is holy, I am holy. The Shechinah is within me. _

**Author's Note:**

> Blessings: these are the standard blessings for conversion and to thank G!d for having reached this special occasion. One note; I imagine Naevia as having undergone a Reform conversion, so she would not use "HaShem" in the blessings. However, Judaism has such great respect for certain names of the Divine that I felt uncomfortable using the proper one in a work of fiction, so I substituted this common appellation, which literally just means "The Name."  
> b'tselem Elohim: in the image of G!d  
> Shechinah: G!d's presence on Earth, which also usually has feminine connotations


End file.
